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I want to hurt myself. I want to feel it. I want to know if I still enjoy it. I want to know if it still works.
I wish I wasn't so scared that I might like it still. I wish I wasn't scared about the fact I'm pretty sure the feeling will still have that same...kick... to it. The same cold bite that's somehow warm and comforting at the same time.
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Sometimes, I feel I've moved on from my bpd days. That I'm ok and stable. Other days I'm filled with emotions I can't deal with for reasons that shouldn't have caused them. Things that send me spiralling into old behavioural patterns and wanting to do things I can't.
The mind is a strange thing.
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I'm in agony. I can't take painkillers though. It's just tempting fate.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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Before I go to bed tonight I will take
Lofapramine
Quetiapine
Codeine
Naproxen
Dulcolax
Glucosamine
Calcium
I'm going to rattle if things keep on like this.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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Bedtime is the moment I wait for all day long. The time the meds come and make everything peaceful and I can sleep the hours away.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
